I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im six kinds of drunk right now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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