I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They have beer where we have blood.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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