her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I forget how to act sober
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
