So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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