He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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