You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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