Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
