just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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