Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
