I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
