he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
