someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Someone shattered a urinal.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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