My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
