in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
