yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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