I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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