You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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