so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
