I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
