I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
