That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
