Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
