I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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