Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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