my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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