Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
