Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
