i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
