Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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