No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
