love makes seman taste better
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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