he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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