She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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