the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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