I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
