was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
