I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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