ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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