yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
