yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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