R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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