My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
