I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
