So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i love accidental penises.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
