so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
