to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
