Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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