and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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