dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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