Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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