I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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