Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
