i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
