This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
