Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
