ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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