she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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