One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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