they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
