i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
