I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
