i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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