just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
