i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
