You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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