never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
