the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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