I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
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Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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